How To Cure Your Hangover In 5 Easy Steps

I’m glad you brought in the decade with a bang. If we’re going to make this the best decade ever, we’re going to have to throw a lot of parties. Last night was a sign that we’re up to the task.

This morning you are feeling kind of low. Your head hurts and your thoughts are fuzzy. Your stomache is staging a rebellion. It tastes like a cat slept in your mouth and died there. You regret things you don’t quite remember.

In short, you are hungover.

Fortunately, I know exactly what you need to do.

1. Remember that hangovers are physical not metaphysical. Nothing is punishing you for having too much fun or misbehaving last night. There is no God who hates you for drinking. Karma isn’t out to exact retribution. Nature is not balancing your fun with misery. Everything you are feeling is produced by chemicals reacting to other chemicals you ingested or that your body produced because it was exhausted.

2. Sleep in. You were out late. Maybe you danced. You talked a lot. You didn’t get much sleep. And the sleep you did get wasn’t as restful as it might have been because your body was combating the effects of drugs or alcohol, which takes energy. Go back to sleep for a bit. The world won’t wait for you but the world isn’t a train leaving the station. It will still be here when you wake up later.

3. Drink Coffee. You are tired from staying up too late. You need the caffeine to boost your energy. It will also clear your head, make your thinking faster and sharper. It will boost your mood, as well. Remember a huge part of that depression and regret you are feeling is purely chemical. Coffee will pick up your spirits.

Coffee also cuts the risk of alcoholic cirrhosis by 20 percent. So this is a matter of your health.

4. Eat a bacon and egg sandwich.  Alcohol depletes brain neurotransmitters but bacon and eggs, which are rich in protein, contains amino acids that top these up. This will make you feel better. The carbs in the bread will be easily converted to sugar, boosting your metabolism and helping you get rid of the alcohol more quicky.

5. Drink a Bloody Mary, Dummy. Do you think it’s just a coincidence that Bloody Mary’s are the quintessential brunch drink? It’s not. Although most people probably aren’t aware that they enjoy Bloody Mary’s so much because of the drink is a highly effecient hangover fighter, that’s surely one of the reasons for its popularity.

Heavy drinking causes dehydration, which in turn deprives you of body salts, including magnesium, potassium and chloride. These are what the sports drink makers call electrolytes (but there’s too much sugar in most of sports drinks and they are otherwise nutritionally dead, so avoid them). Fresh tomato juice is a great source of these. Add celery salt and tabasco sauce to replenish your lost sodium and help you rehydrate. Add some freshly squeezed lemon juice and Worchester sauce for Vitamin C, which helps you better metabolize alcohol. The vodka will ease the alcohol withdrawal, the shock caused by your system by the binge followed by deprivation.

Feeling hungover and sorry for yourself is no way to begin the new decade. Now you know how to recover.