From: John Carney
Date: Thu, Mar 16, 2006
Subject: Team SPD
The Committee for the Current Disaster: Saint Patrick’s Day (CCD:SPD)
of the Greenwich Village Society for the Preservation of Whiskey &
Morals has concluded its research and proudly presents the following
Listen people. The parade runs up Fifth Avenue, from 44th Street to
86th Street. In years past we’ve learned that drinking in midtown
during the parade is impossible due to overcrowding, while drinking
downtown too early means missing out on the chaos of the day. We’re
starting early, east and uptown.
Feel free to join us at any point during the day or night. If you
aren’t sure where we are, call or text me or CCD:SPD
Chairman Will Snyder. Texting is probably the surest
way to reach us. If you are a dodgeball subscriber (and you should
be: www.dodgeball.com), look for last minute changes via dball
10:30 am: Breakfast and pints at Kinsale Tavern, located on Third
Avenue between 93rd and 94th Streets.
12 Noon: Midday drinks at the Gael, located at Third Avenue and 83rd Street.
1:00 pm: Quick peak at the parade on 83rd Street.
1:30: Some of Team SPD will make an excursion to The Emerald Society
Benefit, which goes runs from 1 to 5 pm (although doors close at 3
pm). Pier 88, 48th St and 12th Avenue. We will be joining Team SPD
members Officer Jack Malone and Officer Juliet Shields there. A $25
cover-charge buys free drinks, free food, bands and a chance to mingle
with sauced members of New York’s Finest. [Note: This portion of the
day is optional. I suspect some members of team SPD will be remaining
at the Gael or a nearby drinking establishment.]
5:00: Workers of SPD Unite! Those of you who have been working all
day while we have been drinking and fighting will meet us. Do not go
home. Do not pass go. Do not collect your sense of responsibility.
The official meeting point is the Gael, on Third Avenue and 83rd
Street. If this is untenable because of crowds, fire or dry taps, we
will relocate. Text Will or me for the lastest news.
9:00-10:00: The Great Migration South. Sometime around now the bars
of the Upper East Side will become soaked in green unmentionable green
liquids and our deeply downtown compasses will start dragging us
toward the homeland. There will be great confusion. People will get
lost. Someone will sneak off to mess around with a green-clad drunk
they met earlier in the evening. Someone else will realize they have
lost their wallet, purse, hat, coat or girlfriend. Someone else (I am
sorry there are so many somones, but that’s the way the world is) will
forget where we are going. But you won’t. We’re going to Mona’s, on
Avenue B between 13th and 14th Street.
Later: Be realistic. We have no idea where we’ll be much later. If
we’re still standing and moving, we may end up at the Village Tavern
at the tail end of this disaster. It happened last year, I’m told.
The VT is located at 46 Bedford (near 7th Avenue). Or else we may end
up somewhere on the Lower East Side.
Remember this is all subject to change due to over-crowding,
over-charging, uncompromising men or uncooperative women.
I’ll see you all tomorrow. Good hunting, soldiers.
Membership & Debauchery,
Greenwhich Village Society for
the Preservation of Whiskey & Morals