The only thing worse than coming back on the red-eye and walking into a maelstrom at the office is coming back on the red-eye, walking into a maelstrom at the office, and then getting an email that your roommate has decided to move out come May.
So … I’ll get the bidding started. Anyone want a room in an overpriced Nolita apartment? Alternatively, anyone want a new roommate who sits in front of her computer 80% of the time and falls asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in her hand the other 20%?
Okay. I’ll play. At chfdigital’s suggestion, here’s the list of my top dodgeball venues. All told, I’ve checked in 2032 times.Tom and Jerry’s / 288 127 check-ins 5% The Cellar 81 check-ins 3% WCOU Radio / Tile Bar 40 check-ins 1% The Magician 37 check-ins 1% Lolita 37 check-ins 1% Von 28 check-ins 1% The Marshall Stack 27 check-ins 1% The Village Tavern 25 check-ins 1% Loreley 24 check-ins 1% Sweet and Vicious 23 check-ins 0%
I’m a bit surprised there’s not more karaoke on this list.
1 Random Thing About Me: I have smarter friends than you do.
Rules: You have been tagged in this note because I think you should think one or more of the things on this list. You don’t have to write a note with another 25 things, facts, habits, or goals about you because it’s kind of a waste of time. And instead of reading your list, I’ll probably just reread mine.
1. I always try hard. But not in a way that makes me look pathetic.
2. It takes me far less time and mental energy to do daily tasks than you.
3. I used to be a gymnast.
4. I love my family. Which weirdly, kind of makes you want to sleep with me.
5. I water down my writing skills so as to make other writers feel better about themselves.
6. I helped launch The Onion, but parted ways with the other dudes when they refused to name it The Yam.
7. I have the ability to make people who walk slowly in front of me spontaneously combust.
8. In elementary school, I tested at the genius level. But I decided to stay with my class so as to learn empathy.
9. At inopportune moments, I am capable of bringing things back to life.
10. My awesomeness is struggling to be contained within the confines of this list.
11. In a moment of despair in college, I invented Vitamin Water.
12. I wish my friends knew how much they meant to me. Because emotionally available people are better in bed. (According to Cosmo.)
13. Bravo is working on a reality show about my life.
14. It is an abomination that the world values my work at such a low wage.
15. If I seem judgmental, it’s only because I am smarter than most people.
16. But not so smart that I refrained from writing this list.
17. I turned down a position in the Obama White House to explore life as an unemployed writer.
18. Wow. The longer this list goes on, the hotter I get.
19. These entries
20. simply exist
21. to remind you
22. that I will never
23. run out of interesting things to stay.
24. I am professionally trained in amazingness.
25. I am confident. But not overconfident to the point where you don’t want to hang out with me.
26. There are too many things about me to fit into a list of 25 things. But not so many that I’ll make it to 30.
Is it totally wrong that I want the next salmonela outbreak to involve cole slaw just so that this headline can adorn the front page of the New York Post?